Urgent: Revision Needed
How to Rewire Your Emotional Responses
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Urgent: Revision Needed
Heat rushed to my face, my hands clenched into trembling fists, and my heart thudded so loudly I could hear it in my ears. I had just opened an email from a colleague titled “URGENT: Revision Needed.”
Justin, I’ve reviewed your latest design spec. Frankly, it’s not up to par. These issues need immediate attention. It’s surprising to see such fundamental mistakes. Please fix this as soon as possible.
Regards,
Mark
I was early in my career, and those words felt like daggers. Worse still, Mark had cc’d my boss, twisting the knife deeper. I’d poured hours into crafting that design spec, covering every detail to ensure the next project phase would succeed. Who does Mark think he is? His mistakes had put us in this position, not mine! Fueled by a burning sense of injustice, I hammered out a furious reply, each keystroke releasing my frustration like cannon fire.
I meticulously dismantled his accusations, defending my work point by point, while highlighting every misstep he had made that forced these design tradeoffs. It felt good—satisfying, even—to expose him. For extra impact, I cc’d his boss, determined to scorch the ground Mark stood on. He wouldn’t dare call me out like that again.
But something stopped me from hitting ‘send.’ It was late, and exhaustion tempered my anger. I decided to sleep on it.
The next morning, in the cool light of day, I re-read the exchange. Embarrassment crept in as I scanned my fiery response. Just then, Mark’s follow-up email landed in my inbox:
Apologies if my last message came off harsh. We have a tight deadline, and I’m under a lot of pressure. I appreciate your hard work and am confident we can get this sorted out quickly.
Thanks,
Mark
The story I told myself—that Mark was condescending and arrogant—was just that: a story. In reality, he was stressed and overwhelmed, reacting under pressure. My belief that I was being attacked clouded my judgment and nearly led to a destructive response. Even if Mark hadn’t apologized, my angry reply wouldn’t have helped. A calm, personal conversation would have resolved the issue—and preserved our working relationship.
Since then, I’ve carried this lesson forward. Anytime I feel that surge of anger or injustice bubbling up, I remind myself: “Urgent: Revision Needed.” It’s my trigger to pause, breathe, and step away. I’ve never once regretted this habit.
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Your Reaction is a Mirror
When something provokes a strong emotional response—without posing any real physical danger—it often reveals more about you than the world around you. Use these moments as mirrors, reflecting your internal beliefs and triggers. Instead of reacting impulsively, turn inward and ask: What story am I telling myself right now?
Exercise: Use the ABCDEs
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers a powerful, research-backed tool for rewiring emotional responses. I’ve worked with CBT therapists and found their methods transformative—not just for my clarity of thought, but for healing destructive patterns in relationships. One simple yet effective tool I learned is the ABCDE method.
You can apply it daily to diffuse emotional triggers:
A = Action: What happened? Stick to the facts, without judgment.
B = Belief: What belief did you attach to that action?
C = Consequence: How did that belief affect your emotions and actions?
D = Dispute: Challenge the belief. Can you tell a different, more empowering story?
E = Effect: What happens when you adopt this new perspective?
Applying the ABCDEs to My Story
Action: Mark sent an email requesting revisions.
Belief: Mark is attacking and condescending to me.
Consequence: I get angry and retaliate with a harsh email.
Dispute: Maybe Mark is stressed and under pressure, not attacking me personally.
Effect: I calm down, respond professionally, and we collaborate to solve the issue.
A Practical Example: Road Rage
Action: Someone cuts you off in traffic.
Belief: They’re an inconsiderate jerk who almost caused an accident.
Consequence: You yell, honk, and stew in anger for the next 20 minutes.
Dispute: Maybe they didn’t see you, or they’re rushing to an emergency.
Effect: You let it go, move on, and stay calm.
The truth doesn’t matter as much as the story you choose to tell. You’ll never know if that driver was really careless or simply distracted, but by adopting a better narrative, you regain control of your emotional state.
Now, swap this example with the last argument you had with your spouse, partner, or family. Our loved ones know how to press our buttons—but those buttons only trigger explosive emotions if we let them. The ABCDEs help surface that wiring and defuse the bomb before it goes off.
Make It a Daily Practice
For the next two weeks, apply the ABCDEs to any situation that sparks frustration or anger. It takes just a few minutes and can be part of your morning journal or reflective practice. I use it to revisit anything emotionally troubling from the previous day.
This simple practice has saved my peace of mind—and strengthened my relationships. It can do the same for you.