You Never Start at Level 50

How to Handle Social Comparison Paralysis

“Donde está la biblioteca?” Even after years of practice, my Spanish skills are still muy mal. I’ve spent months living in Spanish-speaking countries, yet I still order food like a monosyllabic caveman. “Dos cervezas. Un plato de pollo.”

When people reply, all I hear is a rapid-fire string of what sounds like one long, unbroken word. “Por favor, necesitamos hablar más despacio.”

My fiancee, a fluent Spanish-speaking Mexican, makes the language sound like a beautiful melody. Her words flow effortlessly in a rhythm I can’t comprehend but admire deeply. Usually, I let her handle conversations when something important needs to get done. Unfortunately, this creates a self-defeating cycle: I feel inadequate, so I practice less, and as a result, I don’t improve.

But when I’m on my own, I stumble through and manage to get my point across. I’ve come a long way from where I started, able to navigate foreign countries in ways I never imagined possible three years ago. When I compare myself to others more skilled than I am, I feel defeated. But when I measure my progress against where I began, I feel accomplished.

The key to motivation: focus on the challenge in front of you—not the entire path to mastery.

Challenges that are too easy bore us; those too difficult frustrate us. The best games scale challenges as we grow, revealing harder encounters at the right moments. We develop most effectively when operating at the edge of our abilities. Killing Level 1 rats stops being rewarding after you’ve slain a hundred of them. The Level 50 dragon? It’s hidden in a zone you can’t access until you’re ready.

In life, however, we don’t have experience bars to track progress. We can stay stuck in the same routines for years without noticing the monotony stifling our growth.

Don’t Let Comparison Crush You

The biggest hurdle when starting something new is comparing our first attempts to the masterpieces of others. It’s soul-crushing! Imagine playing your first chess match against a world champion or taking your Level 1 character with a wooden stick into battle against a fire-breathing dragon. Neither scenario will end well.

In games, you face challenges appropriate to your skill level. The same should be true for tackling life’s creative dragons. Start where you are and let the process guide you forward.

Thanks to our hyperconnected world, we’re bombarded with images of success: productive, fit, happy, and wildly accomplished people. The gap between their stardom and our humble beginnings feels insurmountable. But with experience, the chasm shrinks. Challenges look intimidating because you haven’t yet wrestled with them.

Psychologists describe this as affordances: our capabilities shape how we perceive the world. Overweight people view hills as steeper; new cyclists see distances as longer; college freshmen estimate stacks of books to be heavier than seniors do. As novices, our minds exaggerate difficulties. With expertise, even tough tasks seem manageable. So remember: the gap between you and your ideals isn’t as vast as it seems—it only feels that way now.

Exercise: Love Your Ugly Baby

The secret to starting anything new is embracing imperfection. I take pride in ugly beginnings. Early drafts of my games, chapters, or business ideas are rough, messy, and unpolished. They’re easy to change, iterate, and learn from. When starting out, ugly is beautiful.

After countless revisions, those ugly baby projects grow into confident adults ready to face the world (no offense to anyone with an actual ugly baby!). If you’re not embarrassed by your early attempts, you’re not learning fast enough.

Your mission: Create something intentionally “ugly.”

• Start a conversation in a language you barely know.

• Write a terrible first draft of a chapter.

• Draw a self-portrait.

• Play a messy tune on the piano.

Whatever you try, take joy in its imperfection. Share your results in the comment section below to celebrate the process and remove the stigma of starting small. Pick one thing to improve tomorrow and try again.

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Advanced Tactic: The Flow Gate

The psychology of flow, popularized by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is now a buzzword for productivity. The idea is simple: by tackling challenges at the edge of our ability, we enter a state of focused immersion. Time vanishes, energy surges, and growth accelerates. This is what happens when you’re engrossed in a great game.

In games, designers balance difficulty to keep you engaged. Life doesn’t come with a designer, so we need to create that balance ourselves using a tool I call the Flow Gate.

The Flow Gate: A Framework for Sustainable Growth

The Flow Gate isn’t just about setting goals—it’s about designing a path that keeps you moving forward, engaged, and excited to push your limits. It prevents burnout from chasing goals that feel too far away while keeping boredom at bay by consistently presenting achievable challenges.

Think of it this way: In games, you don’t skip straight to the boss fight. You grind through smaller battles, collect gear, and gradually grow stronger. The Flow Gate lets you earn your way to the next stage by leveling up consistently—without feeling like you’re standing still or facing impossible odds.

Here’s how to break down your journey into actionable steps that mirror the progression of a well-designed game:

• Easy Goals (Level 1): These are your momentum builders—the small, attainable tasks that nudge you forward. They sit just beyond what feels effortless—effort is required, but just enough to gain you some quick wins. These small victories reinforce confidence and create a sense of progress. Example: Learning five new words in a language or writing 200 words a day.

• Medium Goals (Level 25): This is where things begin to build. Medium goals stretch you further, some anxiety is to be expected because these goals should pull you out of your comfort zone. They take dedication, demand more focus, and require persistence over time. Medium goals are stepping stones—proof you’re growing without overwhelming you. Example: Ordering at a restaurant in your new language or completing a short story.

• Hard Goals (Level 50): These are the dragons—the goals that feel just out of reach but fuel your drive. Hard goals should excite you and feel aspirational. They might take months (or years) to accomplish, but every step toward them feels like progress. Example: Giving a talk in a foreign language or publishing your book.

Why This Works:
Easy goals are your dire rats, giving you quick XP and low-stakes victories to build momentum. Medium goals unlock like tougher side quests, requiring better skills and gear but rewarding you with noticeable progress. Hard goals? Those are the boss fights—the epic encounters that test everything you’ve learned and leave you stronger regardless of the result.

Start small. Celebrate the wins. Trust that every level counts, and soon enough, you’ll be facing challenges today that once seemed impossible.

Applying the Concept Across Different Skills

Language Learning

• Easy: Learn basic phrases and everyday vocabulary.

• Medium: Use your new language to order at a restaurant.

• Hard: Engage in casual conversation with a native speaker.

Physical Fitness

• Easy: Walk 10,000 steps daily.

• Medium: Complete a 5k run.

• Hard: Run a marathon.

Public Speaking

• Easy: Speak in front of a small group of friends.

• Medium: Deliver a presentation to your colleagues.

• Hard: Speak at a large public event.

Writing

• Easy: Write a single chapter.

• Medium: Write 100 pages.

• Hard: Complete the first draft of your book.

Progress isn’t always glamorous, but it’s always progress. Each ugly attempt, awkward conversation, or stumbling step forward is a sign that you’re in the game—learning, growing, and leveling up. The dragons you face today will seem small in hindsight, and one day, you’ll look back and realize how far you’ve come. So keep showing up, keep embracing the ugly, and trust that each imperfect effort is shaping the hero you’re becoming.

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